Nmb 5
Oktobü 1994


Welcome to issue five of Zolid Matters, the vaguely remarkable and remarkably vague newsletter of the BJZ. Its purpose is now well known; any new readers still in any doubt after ploughing their way through the impenetrable ramblings herein should eat a whole packet of Fig Rolls. This will not enlighten them as to said purpose, but it'll give them plenty of time while sat down to write to Jameld Towers and ask.

Phrase Turkish Delight

Instalment number two of our feature 'A Phrase A Quarter': this time, we prepare for an eventful visit to the multicultural market in downtown Stour Row. Take it away, Gerg and Abdul.

How much is this beautiful handmade carpet?
Wauweth kost oquo t~sohni hantwawübi tapeta?

That's no carpet, that's my cat. Alright, a tenner.
Et na jist an tapeta, et'st meü kat. Wel, an temzja.

N.B. Caution is advised when using the above phrase. Not all of Dorset's Turkish carpet sellers speak Jameld, and those who do are unlikely to want to sell their cat.

Retrograde Progress

The somewhat erratic process of translating the Bible into Jameld continues. The letter of James is now about two-thirds done, although for some reason 1 & 2 Peter remain unattempted. This disregards the established practice of working backwards towards Genesis, a matter the Association Secretary really must take up with the Translation Committee. (Ed. Note: The Association Secretary is the Translation Committee. And the Editor.--Ed.)

Masterpieces Destroyed While-U-Wait

Continuing our occasional series 'English Literary Classics (from which one has to miss out the iffy bits) Translated into Jameld', we present, as requested by our sole overseas member, an extract from Ulysses by James Joyce. Since it's now out of copyright, the original English (?!) text appears below the translation; the punctuation is Joyce's, so don't complain to me.

". . . laukim ye temt nüaw t~sünes sï wauweth kostmä temt me kave na klethes ax ig^é te brüni kostuma und te roch und jantren und tiko ax te zobaratesü 3 wasst et vor yüé monnït rassnetin oqueldi hod und ïohnparskin tuth te monnes njolvis ax iye und monnïtes probof anvülen ohn iye pozirul tem känne ye kave na monn necht kumt ig^é te teses bikümnin dorogo däi pag^é vor te 4 yuras mor me kave ew eléf inek 35 nau mest was jist me ax ig^é mestfäo 33 wïl Septembü jistfäo me was oh wel . . ."

". . . do you like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up this old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you and women try to walk on you because they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in September will I what O well . . ."

Anyone for Shakespeare next time? Suggestions to the usual address...

A Nice Day at the Ofis

Would members please note that the BJZ Information Desk is not provided to answer questions of a personal or vitriolic nature, nor can it advise on matters of rodent hygiene or zero-gravity topiary. Requests for Jameldic or J2ine information are, however, most welcome; please mark your envelope 'With Care: Live Squid Inside' and take care to affix the postage stamps face up. Thank you.

Inek necht t~süda (ZM6, yilobon ye?)--Hauf! JJ.

© BJZ 1994. Zolid Matters jist binüvretani tïs-yurag^a ük (is published semiannually by):

Te Britaz Jameld Zolidaton

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